Fight Club and Choosing Kindness

What’s the first rule of fight club? DON’T TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB. 

We may not have all seen the movie (definitely not talking about myself🤷‍♀️) yet, we ALL know the line.

So let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about the Fight Club. Let’s talk about the struggle. Let’s be kind. Let’s get real.

We are human. We all struggle. Yet, so often, we keep our struggles to ourselves. We don’t want our friends to know. We don’t want our kids to know. And we DEFINITELY don’t want strangers to know. 

Being kind. It’s as easy as giving a stranger the benefit of the doubt. We see this everyday. Some in big ways, some smaller. Someone accidentally drives the wrong way down the lane in a parking lot- and you roll your eyes, let out a little huff, and mutter “don’t mind me, following the rules.” And literally, not two minutes later you’re doing the EXACT same thing down a different lane because you thought it was a two way lane-but you were completely wrong.  And the person in the car in front of you gives you the EXACT same face you previously made- and this time, you giggle and mouth “SORRY”. And mutter to yourself “whoops- definitely got that one wrong”. And justify it’s because you’ve never been to this shopping center before. And you were distracted thinking about events that transpired previously in the day.  {I mean- not that this is from experience or anything.}

In reality, it can go even deeper than that. When we hurt, we have options. Sometimes we attack. Sometimes we yell. Sometimes we retreat. But we all react. So often we don’t see what triggers others, yet we commonly see their reaction. And often, we judge. 

What if, instead, we gave someone the benefit of the doubt.  That they may be defensive because they have been hurt in the past. Hurt more than we could have ever imagined. And they are still picking up the pieces from being broken.

We have to give grace for others to heal. Just because we don’t know what their fight looks like, doesn’t mean that we cannot extend grace. 

More close to home, we have to be vulnerable to heal. Talking about our Fight Club means being vulnerable.  It means showing our weakness. It may even mean, asking for help. And asking for help is hard, because in our society- asking for help admits defeat. It admits failure.  In reality- asking for help is strong and courageous. It breaks down barriers. It’s admitting, “I can’t do this alone”. It’s being courageous enough to say, “I may not deserve help”, and yet allowing someone to come alongside and fight in your corner.

We often see this in kiddos. We see them come home, and have HUGE tantrums. Ready to fight. And when you get down to the root of what’s actually going on- it has NOTHING to do with the tantrum. And EVERYTHING to do with the Fight. Everything to do with something hurtful that happened at school or with a friend. 

It also happens with adults. We have a bad day at work. Our boss is in a bad mood and yells at us. And we hold that in all day at work. And once we’re home- a fight breaks out. Nothing to do with the fight at home- but instead, the struggle with a stressful event at work.

We’re all fighting.  So let’s be kind. Let’s ask the hard questions. Let’s listen without judgement. But let’s also stand in our loved ones corners, and fight with them. So they don’t have to go through the fight alone.

What if we choose to be kind today. To speak life into others, even if they don’t necessarily deserve it. What if we share our struggles with our loved ones?! Or ask our loved ones how we could fight in their arena with them today?! 

{Disclaimer: This is not my meme. One of my best friends from elementary school sent me this meme. A friend who has never left me in the arena to fight alone. One of the strongest women I know. One of the strongest fighters I know. And it’s an honor to have her fighting in my arena with me}

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